Wow It's Been Awhile....

Life seems to have once again gotten in the way of my blogging... or perhaps it was just moodiness and the inability to write anything I thought the four or five people who actually read my blog would want to waste their time on LOL

Actually life is pretty darn good in my neck of the woods for the moment.  Valentine's Day was fairly eventful as I got surprise flowers from one of my best friends and then more surprise flowers from my daughter and my daughter's best friend who is really pretty much my other daughter LOL both extremely beautiful (the girls and all the flowers) and very much appreciated.  Then from my hubby I got the cutest stuffed dog in the world and some very yummy chocolates.  My baby boy made me several beautiful cards and drawings and we had a wonderful time together at his school Valentine's party... 1st grade is the bomb apparently LOL

My book sales are actually tooting right along... between the two novels I have listed on Kindle I've sold 15 copies and made close to $40 in royalties.  I'm now venturing into the self-publishing print world and both titles should be available at Amazon.com within the week.  I'm a little frustrated with the print side of things because I absolutely LOVE the way they look and the beautiful covers I'm able to design for them.  It absolutely amazes me to think I will be able to see something I have written actually in a full print version, and I'm sure once I have a copy in my grubby little paws I will bawl uncontrollably.  My issue with it is that the books are (to me anyway) incredibly expensive!!!!!  Saving Alexandria was minimum priced at $6.99 which I think is a lot for a novella, and Guardian of Dreams (which I must admit is 450 print pages... I got carried away, but the characters insisted that there was nothing else to cut) minimum priced at $17.99...  that's nearly two hours of work for a book written by someone that no has ever heard of and couldn't find an agent or a publisher that would take a chance on her...  seems like way to much money to me.  So much so that I really had decided not to print publish Guardian of Dreams at all, but then my good friend (the one who sent me surprise flowers) suggested that since I'd gone to the trouble to upload the book and do the whole process I might as well put it out there.  If no one buys it then I'm no worse off than I was before and I can still steer my friends and people who are truly interested in my writing toward the e-book which is a much more reasonable $3.99.

That's it for me I think... I wish I had something interesting or important to share, but outside of having to pick up cashier shifts and still not getting my full time hours even between two departments life is pretty much just work, kids, sleep, repeat...

I can't make up my mind...

I usually do things on gut impulse.  I'm not one to process and look at every option and carefully select an option based on the possible outcomes.  If it feels right at the moment and it isn't something that is likely to get me shot or arrested I'll go for it. 

In some odd twist of fate I also am ridiculously organized when there is something I know I have to do.  I will plan carefully, make list after list after list, make sure ever angle and option is covered and that everything is equal, balanced and even.

Now there are many things that catch me in the middle of these two bizarre split personalities.  One of those things is my writing.  When I'm writing I go with the flow.  I am a pantser; which if you know any writers you know that means that I don't plot my stories out.  My characters write their own stories and I just type it all out.  Once the story is done I go back and do a billion edits (for everything but SPAG, I hate that shit and it's one of the biggest things standing between me and traditional publication) to hone things into the shape I think it's supposed to take.

Then it's finished and I'm left wondering what the hell I want to do with it.  When I recently e-published one of my books I did so with the idea that I would feel better for having just made a decision and gone with it.  I now have a published work available for purchase at Kindle.com. 

Only it seems to have backfired one me because now I'm left feeling unsatisfied, like there's something else I should be doing.  Maybe I should start making lists of publishers and agents again.  Perhaps I should start drafting queries and synopsis of the three novels I have finished and the 4 more that I have at least half way completed.  Then I remember how much I detest queries and synopsis and how drafted those things requires me to go back and start the dreaded SPAG edits that I would rather pick my nose in public then even begin to attempt.

I hate this "I don't know what to do" state of mind.  It leaves me agitated and feeling adrift; like I should be doing something and yet I have no idea where to begin.  It really annoys me at work when it's slow because I feel like I should be at home writing or editing or drafting letters and me knowing full well that if I do go home I'll be playing Cityville or Cafe World until it's time to go to bed.

For now I am trying to keep busy doing honing edits on the first full length novel that follows up the novella I have published at Kindle.  My friend in Florida is already asking where it's at, and while I hadn't quite decided what I wanted to do with it now that she's asked that decision is made and I will go ahead and finish this current round of edits and throw it up on Kindle as an e-book as well.  Neither of them may ever get anywhere, but at least I'll feel like I did something for a minute. 

Then maybe when the weather is warmer and I don't have to wear 200 pounds of extra clothing I will start again with the lists of agents and publishers.  Maybe I'll hire someone for the dreaded SPAG edits.  Maybe I'll use some of my income tax return to join RWA and then go Pro with my collection of rejection letters from my last round of queries and synopsis.  Maybe... or maybe not...

I warned you all in the beginning this blog would be mostly rambling... today is a perfect example LOL

Baby Steps....

Well my e-book at Amazon still says "publishing" but in reality it is already available for purchase.  I know this because my friend in Florida bought it for her Kindle or iPhone or somthing so when I go into my sales tracking there is a little "1" in the box. 

I seem to be having a mixed emotional response to this baby step in the direction of actual publication.  First of course is excitement even though I know my friends love me and would buy whatever crap I put out like it was the lost writings of Shakespeare.  Next came complete and utter terror that I have actually and intentionally made something I wrote available to the public without so much as a pen name to safeguard my anonimity.  Finally came acceptance.  It is what it is, they will like it or hate it or be indifferent to it; they will buy it or not, and either way it will have very little impact on who I am or how I live my life.  It may bring moments of embarrassment, both the good kind and the bad, but Lord knows life is full of that no matter what.

So for anyone interested here is a link to the Amazon site and I'll give anyone reading this the same forwarning that I gave my friends.  If SPAG errors cause you issues don't read anything I write LOL

Saving Alexandria