Christmas is over and as usual I spent much too much money and still wasn't able to get everything I wanted and had envisioned getting for everyone I wanted to get things for. I wasted too much time worrying over the emotional, financial, and quantity balance of every person on my list, and nearly gave myself a Christmas Eve ulcer making sure things were even. In the end there seemed a general sense of contentment and happiness from the loved ones I presented with gifts and since it's over my OCD can ease back into the darkness until the next gift giving season. My children seemed satisfied with their gifts and managed to spend a decent amount of time in each other's company without too much stress and I spent a good amount of time with 2 of my 5 remaining grandchildren.
It's time now to look forward at the coming year. 2010 was particularly difficult for my entire family; there were too many breakups, too much disagreement, and far far too much grief. We saw joyous times with the birth of four new grandbabies, and suffered crushing loss on September 14, when Aryiana, one of my granddaughters died from what we can only assume to be SIDS. My mother lost not only a great-grandchild but also both of her remaining sisters all within a 6 month period.
I have hopes that 2011 will be a much more positive year for my family. My second oldest son will be the first of my children to take the matrimonial plunge when he marries his girlfriend of 7 years. These are kids who have been together since they were 13 & 15 years old and have already struggled and suffered through more than most couples twice their age. I look forward to helping plan and carry out the most beautiful, most interesting wedding to ever take place. If anyone knows a church that would be willing to rent/donate the use of their chapel during the late afternoon on Friday, June 24, please let me know who to contact. We have a minister to perform the ceremony but the church that my kids and I attended for many many years was sold and my son desperately wants a church wedding in a traditional chapel. The date is pretty much set in stone as it would have been Aryiana's first birthday and it is their way of including their baby in the wedding and commemorating her birth.
The coming year will see my beautiful twin granddaughters celebrate their first birthdays on July 18 & 19, and I thank God every day for each of them and for their wonderful mother who allows me to share their lives despite disharmony between she and my son.
My precious grandson Noah will also see his first birthday this year on Halloween day. It will be an amazing journey to watch him grow and see his personality emerge throughout the next months. His big brother Sebastian will turn three in October as well.
My daughter will become a legal adult and (please please God) begin her senior year of highschool while my baby boy will enter second grand and my oldest granddaughter will begin Kindergarten.
My older boys will turn 19, 23, and 25 this year, and I find myself praying constantly that the coming year will bring each of them peace of mind, contented hearts, and a more settled place in the universe.
I myself will be 44 years old in July, and I'm completely unsure as to how that occured. It sounds so OLD, but yet I don't really feel like I'm old. I don't feel young either and when I look back on my life I wonder how it is possible to have done so much yet accomplished so little. I'm hoping to solve that riddle at some point this year.
My mother on the other hand will be 86 in September and it amazes me that she has accomplished so much in her life time yet still seems so vital and amazingly strong. My first and most important request to God this new year will be to let our family keep its matriarch for a very very long time to come.
My goals and resolutions for the new year are fairly simple... I want to be more consistant in taking my medication and exercising to get a tighter grip on my physical, emotional, and mental health. I want to enjoy my family and my friends whom I rarely get to see. I want to find a comfortable and contented environment at work so that stress stems only from the people and things who are truly important. Most of all I want to develop the peace of mind and strength of heart to deal with whatever 2011 holds in store.