Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I can't make up my mind...

I usually do things on gut impulse.  I'm not one to process and look at every option and carefully select an option based on the possible outcomes.  If it feels right at the moment and it isn't something that is likely to get me shot or arrested I'll go for it. 

In some odd twist of fate I also am ridiculously organized when there is something I know I have to do.  I will plan carefully, make list after list after list, make sure ever angle and option is covered and that everything is equal, balanced and even.

Now there are many things that catch me in the middle of these two bizarre split personalities.  One of those things is my writing.  When I'm writing I go with the flow.  I am a pantser; which if you know any writers you know that means that I don't plot my stories out.  My characters write their own stories and I just type it all out.  Once the story is done I go back and do a billion edits (for everything but SPAG, I hate that shit and it's one of the biggest things standing between me and traditional publication) to hone things into the shape I think it's supposed to take.

Then it's finished and I'm left wondering what the hell I want to do with it.  When I recently e-published one of my books I did so with the idea that I would feel better for having just made a decision and gone with it.  I now have a published work available for purchase at Kindle.com. 

Only it seems to have backfired one me because now I'm left feeling unsatisfied, like there's something else I should be doing.  Maybe I should start making lists of publishers and agents again.  Perhaps I should start drafting queries and synopsis of the three novels I have finished and the 4 more that I have at least half way completed.  Then I remember how much I detest queries and synopsis and how drafted those things requires me to go back and start the dreaded SPAG edits that I would rather pick my nose in public then even begin to attempt.

I hate this "I don't know what to do" state of mind.  It leaves me agitated and feeling adrift; like I should be doing something and yet I have no idea where to begin.  It really annoys me at work when it's slow because I feel like I should be at home writing or editing or drafting letters and me knowing full well that if I do go home I'll be playing Cityville or Cafe World until it's time to go to bed.

For now I am trying to keep busy doing honing edits on the first full length novel that follows up the novella I have published at Kindle.  My friend in Florida is already asking where it's at, and while I hadn't quite decided what I wanted to do with it now that she's asked that decision is made and I will go ahead and finish this current round of edits and throw it up on Kindle as an e-book as well.  Neither of them may ever get anywhere, but at least I'll feel like I did something for a minute. 

Then maybe when the weather is warmer and I don't have to wear 200 pounds of extra clothing I will start again with the lists of agents and publishers.  Maybe I'll hire someone for the dreaded SPAG edits.  Maybe I'll use some of my income tax return to join RWA and then go Pro with my collection of rejection letters from my last round of queries and synopsis.  Maybe... or maybe not...

I warned you all in the beginning this blog would be mostly rambling... today is a perfect example LOL

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